Me...

I'm not Blonde,

I don't have big boobs,

I'm not a skank or a gold digger, 

I don't like sharing my boyfriend with other women,

I don't like to fight and cause a scene or drama,

I hate playing immature pointless games,

I don't enjoy using or lying.

I prefer being a Brunette,

I have size B boobs that I don't enjoy 

showing the whole world.

I'm skinny,

My hair refuses to curl,

I love all animals and cry when I see them dead.

I give the homeless food and feel for them.

I don't judge people,

I can't lie,

I trust too much.

I am a good person,

I have a good personality,

I am me.

Please stop trying to change who I am...

Accusations

Every single time something happens, it's my fault.  I could have absolutely nothing to do with it and it still manages to come back on me.  You get pissed off, throw a tantrum, and get all kinds of pissed off at me.  You don't even ask me about it before you get pissed off.  You just assume that it has to be me.

Well here's the thing.  I don't go through your phone.  I don't go through your emails.  I don't go on your shit.  I've decided I wanted to try this new thing called trust.  I trust you so I don't go through your stuff.  And by me putting trust in you and by not going through your stuff, I thought that you might start trusting me too.

You have no reason not to trust me.  I don't lie to you.  I never have and never will.  I don't keep secrets from you.  It's just too hard to keep a secret from you.  I love you too much to hurt you and I know better than to try to piss you off.

Patience

A person can only be so patient for so long...

Can only wait for so long...

Then one day it all

Vanishes.

One day you can't take it anymore.

One day you say no more...

I will no longer wait to be number one in your life.

I will no longer wait for you to defend me over her.

I will no longer wait for you to love me more.

I just won't wait for you.

I've waited to long and I've had enough.

I've had enough of your lies.

I've had enough of your broken promises.

I've had enough of you.

It's time to say no more...

Craving of the Week 1

Rice pudding is deliciousness in a bowl...

It is filling...

It is sweet...

It's aroma so..

Intoxicating...

As it cooks slowly in the pot,

The smell fills the air.

Cinnamon like Christmas...

Rice like Easter...

Sweet dessert.

Rice pudding... its absolutely scrumptous 

Sunburn...

Oh dear sun, how you burn me so...

Full body burn and I cannot sit, 

I cannot walk,

I cannot lay.

Why oh why must I be so 

Pale.

I cannot tan...

I only burn.

Then slowly the days go by...

The itching begins....

The peeling..

Starts..

Eventually the red fades...

But the tan never comes.

Slowly but surely

the pasty,

pale

Returns....

Airhead?

Warning: contains sexual humor.. not for the uptight. You've been warned, you now have a choice.

So one day I was just talking to some friends 

and a question popped into my head...

Randomly...

I was wondering since they call it

 road head

when your giving a guy some head while

 driving....

Do they call it 

airhead 

when you give a guy head while

flying??

That's when I was told'

No, they call it the mile high club.

So I simply stated,

Isn't that when you have sex in an airplane...

in my book that's two different things.

So started wondering again...

Since they call it the 

mile high club 

when you have sex while

flying...

Do you call it the

mile long club

when you have sex while

driving.....

Trust

Trust.

A word that people love to say but nobody really knows.

Who can anybody trust?  Honestly no one.  There is not a single person in this world that won't hurt you.  Not a single person that won't stab you in the back.

Everyone is too greedy and selfish to ever be honest or look out for anyone else.  You tell one person a secret or trust them with anything and you always regret it.

Hearts are broken everyday because of people putting their trust into someone else.  Is it really worth it?  Is it worth the pain and humiliation?

I used to think it was.  But now I'm done.

No one

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I weren't.

I imagine something beautiful and serine.

I imagine finally feeling happiness and peace.

But then I think of all the people.

And I know that even the ones that have only heard my name

through whispers in a crowded hall

would use it as a way for attention and pity.

I wouldn't want to bring that satisfaction upon anyone.

So if I were to die, I would go to a place where

no one would know me.

Where I would be nothing more than an unknown.

No one to claim me.

No one would notice.

And in that way no one would ever be able

to use my death to their advantage.

I would be nothing more than a

simple passerby in their

pathetic lives.

Leaving no more than 

footsteps

that would be washed away with

nothing more than a flowing

gust of wind.

And that is all I will be to

anyone.

Betrayal

Betrayal....

What lovely little word.  It can be expressed in so many ways-

stabbed in the back

double crossed

two faced

traitor

...

And it feels so cold.

Lier...

Such a beautiful noun.  Defining people in a few ways-

deceit

mislead

deception

hypocrisy

...

And it tastes so sour.

Thief...

How strong a word.  Used for many a person-

cheat

burglar

impostor

double-crosser

...

And it sounds so harsh.

These are the things in which you are.  These are the things that make a miserable person.  These are the things you cannot escape.

Me + Snow = ?

After living in Vegas for most of my life, I had this crazy idea to move somewhere where there was a shit ton of snow.  It snows for half the year, rains for three months, and then its a nice warm for three more months.... give or take a week or two.

What was I thinking?

I finally shoveled snow for the first time.

I always thought that snow was a beautiful glistening thing that should not be disturbed because it was mesmerizing.  I didn't think it would weigh hardly a thing.  It was just so light and fluffy.

Like a teddy bear.

Oh no, I was so wrong.

I went to shovel the driveway before my boyfriend got home from work because it snowed for most of the day and it hadn't been done.

This thing that I thought was gorgeous and light as air turned out to be heavy and difficult.  It's not so pretty once you've piled it all messy like on the side of your yard.

I've also come to the conclusion that I will never ever ever drive in snow.

The reasons being:

1:  Can't see shit when the snow is falling like it does.  I'm already blind as it is, add snow and my eyes might as well be closed.

2:  To slick.  I'm not very strong at all.  I won't have control over the wheel if it decides to act up.

3:  To much stress.  Plain and simple.

Let's just say no to driving in the snow.

I still need to make a snowman....

The Window...

Looking at her through

The Window

It doesn't look like much

Just another sad girl.

You don't question

Why,who, or how bad.

You just move on

Without a second thought.

Looking at her eyes,

You see her heart breaking.

Every tear that glides down her

pretty face

Another fragment of her

shattered heart

She struggles to keep it

together.

But the pain effortlessly wins.

Each broken piece

Time stolen from her.

Looking at her through

The Window.

You begin to wonder,

How many times

Her face so torn in despair?

How many people

Stole her smile from her?

How many tears

Have you forced from her?

How much time

Did you take from her short life?

Looking at her

Through the Window

You watch her pretty face

Melt into nothing.

Too much...

Don't ask too much of me..

It's already tough as it is,

But you still ask for more,

and more,

and even more.

I've made my decision..

I'm where I want to be,

I'm who I want to be,

I'm with the person I chose,

But you still ask too much of me.

I'm being torn in two...

You ask me to come home,

You say you want me back,

You need me..

But that's not me...

I chose my life.

I made my decisions.

All I ask of you,

is to support my decision.

But you still ask too much of me...

Secrets

I have a secret...

They say secrets don't make friends.

At least that's what we used to say.

But there are just some things... 

That shouldn't be shared.

That shouldn't be said.

That shouldn't be heard.

This is a secret....

That makes the body ache.

That makes the brain spin.

That makes the heart break.

And it is a secret that I have.

Story Time...

Let's just start from the beginning.

You said:

You loved me,

You would never hurt me,

We would grow old together...

You promised:

We would never part,

You were different from the rest,

You would never lie...

You lied...

Coming to the peak in our story.

You claimed:

You still loved me,

You wanted only me,

You were happy...

You shouted:

You loathed me,

You tried your best,

It was my fault...

You quit...

Nearing the end of our tale.

I cried:

For our love,

For our lost time,

For our forgotten memories...

I hurt:

For you,

For chances gone,

For a heart shattered...

I lost...

No. 2

Vicious cuts and scrapes

Inside.

Coming undone with

The pain held inside.

Only to scream

Releasing agony with every

Violent cry.

All he feels is

Loss,

Emptiness.

Nothing

To ease the pain. As he runs

In full circles trying to

Numb the feelings.

Calling for help.

Alone,

Looking for love.

Disappointment after disappointment

Eventually leading

Right to the

One that is willing to fix it all.

No more bleeding hearts.

No. 1

Everyday is like the one before,                                                        

Rain seeps down her face as she cries

In pain....

No one hears,

Judge and criticize is all they do

Only to find that all the time they were wrong

Horrific scenes of a torn up heart

Now is all that lives inside,

Swinging around

On life’s little games

NEVER to be heard from again.

Floods...

I'm drowning

in an ocean of memories.

Things that should be locked away

are sweeping in over head.

My lungs fill

with salty tears of the past.

She screams

as his hand comes down

leaving a pool of red and pain.

She begs

but he never gives in.

She cries

while he reaches for his choice of weapon.

Sadness fills the hallway,

pouring out of a son and daughter.

Mortified by what they have lived with

they plead for love.

But it continues.

These thoughts never decease

There here forever

torturing

tormenting

The floods fill,

and I collapse